Raising the Bar

[TW for ableism, sexism, homophobia, Christian supremacy, classism.]

Via Juanita Jean's blog, I found the website of Dr. Stuart Spitzer, a Republican running for Texas State Representative.

Just for kicks and giggles, I read through the page, and the penultimate paragraph is one of the most... um, telling I've yet read about the wrongheadedness of Republican politics [emphasis mine]:

"I believe there are two competing ideologies in play. One would debate the role of family, the rights of the unborn, the merits of gambling, and even whether absolute truth exists. This worldview says that if we can’t all get over the bar, we need to lower the bar. I think we need to raise the bar. ... we should not lower the bar just to get everyone over it. I would rather try my whole life for a bar set too high and fail, than walk over a low bar into a pool with the sediment of all, but the virtue of none."

Republicans: "If you're too poor, too disabled, too low-class, too minority, then reaching the bar is not for you." And lets not forget the depiction of these people as virtueless dirt. That is not raising the bar, unless you happen to be standing on your head, then 'raising' to the rest of the world looks a whole lot like 'lowering'.

How about we try raising the bar of human compassion, hm?

Outrageous

[TW for discussion of rape, rape culture and victim blaming.]

A 7th grader with special needs [PDF] in Missouri endured harrassment, multiple assaults and two rapes from a classmate, compounded with the worst sort of victim-blaming and dismissal from the people who should have protected her, before her family was forced to take legal action.

"After the mother notified the school, the girl described the rape and "multiple sexual assaults" she'd experienced at school that year to [the school principal, counselor and resource officer]. They then told the mother that they thought that her daughter made it all up."

Emphasis mine.

These administrators then made the girl write a note of apology to her rapist and deliver it in person.

She was then expelled for the rest of the school year.

Upon her return the next year, she was raped again by the same boy.

School administrators said they'd "been through this" already, and suspended the girl.

The girl's family then took it to the police, and then the courts. Predictably, the defense denies everything, is calling them liars and gold-diggers, and saying that the girl didn't do enough to protect herself from the "conduct of third parties over whom the District Defendants had neither control nor the right to control." [PDF]

The enormity of my sadness and empathy for the victim and her family is cavernous. The enormity of my disgust and contempt towards the school administrators who allowed the behavior to happen regularly and without punishment for the actual rapist, and instead punished the victim, is equally cavernous.

The greatest of my contempt is reserved for the counselor.

It says no little thing about the influence of rape culture that a counselor, someone specifically trained to be an advocate for victims, would commit such atrocities against a child in her care.

Really, CRACKED? Really?

[TW for fat hatred.]

Have you ever been to the humor website CRACKED? It's one of those places full of interesting tidbits of mostly useless information. I've gotten lost there for hours, reading article after article, and laughing all the way through.

Tonight, I read 6 Lies About the Human Body You Learned in Kindergarten. Since their lists count down to #1, I enjoyed the first five. Yep, I knew that the tongue tastes things pretty much equally everywhere; yep, I understand neuroanatomy enough to know about elasticity; yep, I know that there are many more than just 5 senses. And then I reached #1: Your Metabolism Makes You Fat or Skinny.

The image that follows this subtitle is a montage of a slender, muscled man on one side sitting in front of a plate of raw spinach, a fat man on the other side shoving a huge burger into his mouth, both superimposed on an image of fat-creased skin. The article predictably goes on to characterize fat people as gluttons who eat far more calories than they can expend, as time bombs to a horrible fat-related death and as incapable of accurately reporting their true caloric intake. Naturally, since CRACKED is fond of including hilariously subtitled images, there are six images of either fat people, food, or fat people eating food. I'm not going to paste any of the subtitles here; they're easy enough to find if you really want to read them.

In short:

Calories in != calories out. I'm not a machine.

Fat people live just as long as "average" [sic] people. Quit conflating fitness with weight, please.

Individuals are a better witness to their experiences than strangers are. Calling fat people liars because your experience/culture/really bad interpretation of scientific research tells you that 99% of fat people eat themselves into fatness is an extremely dishonest and stigmatizing approach that serves only to inflate ego and marginalize fat people.

To preempt the commentary that CRACKED is a comedy site and therefore shouldn't be taken seriously, bigotry of any kind does not happen in a void. Each instance reinforces prejudice and hostility.

P.S. If you choose to read the article, for the love of all that is holy do not read the comments.

Disposable

So, President Obama has decided that Medicare and Social Security need to be cut in hopes of gaining Republican support for raising the debt ceiling. In essence, he is willing to gut the nation's most vulnerable citizens in exchange for being able to spend more money on (presumably) military and defense.

Let me put this in on-the-ground terms. I work as an assistant manager at an affordable apartment complex for seniors. A large number of these people live only on Social Security, typically a measly $900 before Medicare is taken out. The SS COLA has been at 0% for the last two years - the first flatline since COLA was instituted in 1975. My county has consistently raised the maximum rent limits for affordable housing, meaning that if our private owners chose to, they could charge up to $863/mo rent on a 2-bedroom, 50% AMI (meaning the income limit is 50% of the median income for the county) unit. Our cheapest unit is $537/mo.

Compare that Social Security number with the rent numbers. Personally, I would love to see President Obama, or anyone who advocates cuts in SS funding, survive on $300/mo after paying rent - nevermind paying for the additional health care that comes with aging.

At this rate, we're looking at another 0% - or possibly negative% - COLA, coupled with increasing inflation, increasing rent, (presumably) increasing Medicare fees, increasing gas prices.

Yes, SS needs to be overhauled.

No, SS doesn't need to be cut.

Whatever is done with SS, it needs to be done with the welfare of the people who depend on it to survive as first priority. The financial lifeblood of millions of Americans is not a bargaining chip.

The Power of Words

[TW for fat hatred, depression.]

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will forever haunt me.

About two weeks ago, I was at my mother's and step-father's house when my step-father, during a discussion of the (horrible) show Biggest Loser, abruptly said, "I hope you're not using this new interest of yours [HAES] as an excuse to stay fat."

It's not often I lose control of my jaw muscles, but this was one of those times. I was paralyzed. My mind went totally blank. I wanted more than anything else to refute the shame that had been foisted upon me; to counter the ugly enthymemes within that short sentence, but no words came.

Things were heading downhill before my step-father said this, and went further downhill afterwards (ending in being fully silenced and prevented from defending myself), but that sentence sticks in my mind as the most damning. I've blogged before about why I'm ardently dedicated to the fat acceptance movement. I am sad to say that in the two weeks since this encounter, I have slid significantly backwards; reverted in many ways to the way I used to think. The cognitive dissonance and the unmitigated hurt have been nearly overwhelming. When I read articles or blogs or research about obesity and health, I find myself questioning the conclusions that one can be both fat and healthy.

I've gone through that single sentence and ripped it to shreds in my mind, over and over, and yet, I still wonder. I am learning, I am growing, I am still dedicated to fat acceptance, but my foundation of surety in the message has been shaken. In my head, the battle looks something like this: "The basis of that statement is that fat is bad." "It ain't exactly good, though." "Fat just is. You cannot divorce me from my fat - I am not a person despite my fat." "No, but you can certainly lose that fat if you weren't so lazy." "Weight doesn't matter!" "Of course not, but fitness does, and if you just took a twenty-minute walk around the block a few times a week, you'd lose plenty of weight." "I already do that." "It's obviously not enough." "But he implied that this whole thing was just an excuse to stay fat!" "Well, isn't it?"

This, from one sentence. From one instance of concern trolling. Because it came from family, and in a form more concentrated than I'd ever experienced from that direction.

I know the italicized voice is wrong. I can verbalize precisely why it is wrong. But the new voice, the one that developed with my discovery of fat acceptance and HAES, is mere months old, whereas the voice of internalized self-loathing has been strong throughout my life.

The road to fat acceptance is a journey that involves confrontation of internalized misconceptions and a willingness to change. The willingness is there. The confrontation, ongoing. But I'm still walking this path, regardless of the occasional stumble.

Because of You, I am Afraid.

[TW for assault, self-harm, homophobia, and transphobia]

In the last two days, I've been betrayed by people I trusted- all over an article I posted to facebook (of all places) The article proved the point that female comic book characters are over-sexualized to the point of being non-functional as superheroes. The author (who is also an artist) did this by drawing pictures of male characters in the same clothes and positions as female ones (thus showing that female's costume is actually functionally useless, even when on a male superhero). Someone I considered a friend read it and posted a 'helpful' response of "Get better articles," because apparently if men were over-sexualized, they wouldn't be dressed in that way. (And zomg they said bad things about fishnets).

I read the response and honestly did not have the energy to right then explain the point of the article, so I went the nice route and just asked him to read it again, as he missed the point (I even included a smiley face to show that I did want him to learn, cause friendship.) But nope, examples weren't up to his standards, need better articles. Other friends tried explaining it to him, nope, he continued on. Finally I was starting to get upset so (being as it's my space and all) I asked him to stop, as I would soon start to be less nice. He stopped, but soon after another person who I thought was a friend jumped in and started attacking me to 'prove a point' - basically, that though I was being patient and nice, the very fact that I didn't accept my male friend's opinion was me 'being nasty'. Because opinions can't be wrong or something. But at that point I snapped and fought back in defense of myself, but she just would not back down. She got nasty enough to trigger me very badly. Repeatedly I asked her to stop and reminded her it was my space, but while she acknowledged it was my space, she did not stop. She continued violating me with her words.

At that point my real friend jumped in and defended me, but the other commenter just kept coming, gleefully mocking me with phrases like "This is the most I've seen Ange post in years" and "lol I'm being a dick (her words) to prove a point" and other choice phrases. Violation after violation. No after no. Finally I just gave up, tried one last explaining comment, and went to sleep (or tried to, as I was still triggered and my anxiety prevents me from actually sleeping), with no support system.

[Boyfrog and company are going through their own stuff, and got defensive when I couldn't -literally no capacity for it when triggered- comfort them, then got angry when I called them on something. I admit, my words were pretty close to mean (for which I am sorry), and I know I can't speak for others' experiences, but I don't really have much control over my word choice when triggered- I react; I word vomit in a knee-jerk way. I don't sugarcoat. I describe what I see. Anyway, we'll see if that can get back on track at some point, but for now that's besides my focus].

Once morning comes, I eventually find the strength to go downstairs and at least check my email (yep, I felt my stomach and heart tighten in the grips of a panic attack as I checked), and sure enough, another reply. At that point I was too upset and defeated to bother replying, so I tried to calm myself, until I noticed I got a message from 'friend' number one- the guy who brilliantly pointed out I should get better articles, and whose entire position smacks of both misogyny, heteronormativity, and a dash of homophobia and transphobia (Men would never be dressed like that! Cause men.)

See, I even went so far as to try to reply and apologize (seriously, apologize for being repeatedly violated and attacked, and of course my 'nasty tone' -_- ), but he apparently has either blocked me or removed his facebook account. So, I figured I'd put it here on display.

If you want to help a cause quit spamming every article without a critical eye. If an argument is bad, the author loses credibility even if the overall point being made is in fact a good or valid one. I've been on the side of the author in almost every article you've linked that I read. However, there were so many that were so poorly written such a flood can only drown out those people that are better at doing it. I wasn't trying to help feminism, I don't have the time or the passion, I was trying to help you do better at what you've been doing.

Also, the point of the article was directly stated early in the article. Anyone who felt the need to state it themselves should reevaluate their own comprehension levels.

Comparing Women dressed in sexy women's clothing to Men dressed in sexy women's clothing to come to a conclusion regarding how men dress is a fallacy. Ignoring something does not make it refuted. Arguing logic isn't semantics. Saying after looking down on semantics that words have meaning is hypocritical. What I'm doing now is being an ass, while also not being wrong.

Anyone who thinks I'm dumb needs a SERIOUS reality check.

I hope the rest of your life is as miserable as the betrayal I felt yesterday. I have nothing but hatred for your kind.

You want betrayal? Try being verbally assaulted by two 'friends' over the course of 2 days, (a month after another, separate 'friend' decided to assault me in person), being gleefully triggered so badly that you want to slice yourself to ribbons, having little to no support system because they're all involved in their own stuff, having people 'secretly' show the attackers support though Likes and whatnot, and then being told to have a miserable life (while assigning things to me that I did not say). That is true betrayal, and I hope not one of you ever has to live through it.


ETA: I took down the whole article and attack, and put up a status basically saying that I'd been effectively silenced and triggered......and the woman who triggered me just asked if I was 'ok', cause it was 'nothing personal'......what fucking world do people live in that they can verbally assault someone until the point of trigger, and then ask a question like that, especially with any real seriousness.

Self-Depreciation Isn't Harmless

[TW for fat hatred.]

A number of years ago, I was involved in an activity that included getting all participants new shirts, and so everyone had to line up and give their shirt size to a woman with a clipboard.

When it was my turn, she asked, "What's your size?"

I sighed, chuckled and said, "Too big."

The woman choked. "Excuse me?!"

Too late, it struck me that she was significantly larger than I was, and that I'd badly insulted her. I stumbled over an apology, mumbled my shirt size and slinked off to be mortified in private.

Off-hand self-depreciation is all too common, and almost no one is aware of how much it hurts. The example above is something I will forever be ashamed of, but I use it to remind myself precisely why this sort of thing is entirely unacceptable.

It hurts ourselves.
When we attack ourselves (for it is, indeed, an attack), we reinforce our own internalized fat hatred. Reactions from anyone who happens to hear the attack also have a powerful effect. There are a limited number of possible reactions: Ignore, Agree With, Disagree With or Teaspoon.

Ignore: Default assumption is Agree With; reinforce internalized self-hate.

Agree With: Reinforce internalized self-hate.

Disagree With: Experience the high of receiving compliments but never take them to heart. Continue self-depreciating. Reinforce internalized self-hate.

Teaspoon: Be taken totally off guard by a new approach that, instead of agreeing or disagreeing, provides a different philosophy of body image; learn, grow (or, alternately, disagree vehemently). Do not reinforce internalized self-hate (in the alternate scenario, do internalize self-hate, with a bonus dollop of anger and frustration at the teaspooner). Needless to say, this scenario does not often occur as compared to the other reactions.

Further, it is nearly impossible to maintain a high opinion of someone engaged in self-depreciation. The more the hatred is repeated, the more people around you will agree... or, at least, they will stop commenting and trying to convince you otherwise.

It hurts others.
See my example above. We so commonly compare ourselves to each other; is it any wonder that hearing self-depreciation from someone we like or admire - or even a stranger! - will result in feelings of inadequacy? Too often, people who hear these negative things will apply them to themselves, yet again reinforcing internalized self-hate.

It hurts everyone.
Just as sexist comments don't simply occur without consequence, fat-hating comments also have consequences. They encourage the cultural hatred of everyone who is fat; they present as intolerance, discrimination and stigma against fat people.

If you hate yourself because you are (or perceive yourself to be) fat, how can you possibly regard or treat fat people equally with thin people?

Here's a hint.

You can't.

Those Womenz and their Public Sexxorz

[TW for slut-shaming and objectification]

So, Reese Witherspoon won an MTV Movie Award last night, which is awesome for her. I actually enjoy her acting in the movies I've seen her in. And of course, as she's accepting the award, she gives an appropriate acceptance speech:

Accepting her MTV Generation award, the Oscar-winning actress slammed stars who have appeared in sex tapes and nude-photo scandals, telling them they should be ashamed of themselves.

....waitasecond.

Really? I mean, really really? You've just been given an award for acting and you take the time to blast other celebrities (read: women) for their bedroom preferences?

Of course, if Ms. Witherspoon was actually concerned about 'sex-scandals' (aka, the general public finding out) you'd think she'd place the blame on those who actually deserve the blame, such as the paparazzi, or the 'liberal media', or, I don't know, the culture which shames those who have sex lives that deviate in any way from the perceived 'norm' [Hetero, monogomous, no kink whatsoever, and definitely no women enjoying themselves or having sex because they want to have sex]. But no, she places this squarely on women (or as she says, girls), with this gem of a line:

“I get it, girls, that it’s cool to be a bad girl,” the mom-of-two told the crowd. “But it is possible to make it in Hollywood without doing a reality show. When I came up in this business, if you made a sex tape, you were embarrassed and you hid it under your bed.

Oh Patriarchy, the only culture where women don't enjoy sex, but simultaneously 'go after' enough sex to 'make it in Hollywood'. Oh and of course, add a large helping of slut-shaming with no mention of any male participation or activity whatsoever.

Oh, but she's not done, she has some 'helpful' words of advice:

Said Witherspoon, “And if you took naked pictures of yourself on your cell phone, you hide your face, people! Hide your face!”

Cause if there's anything we need more of, it's disembodied breasts or genitalia. Objectifying women ftw, amirite?

*vomit*

Lettertime

Dear Mayo Clinic/Science

You have disappointed me today. I looked up the risk factors for gestational diabetes, and you told me that one of the risk factors is "Nonwhite race." I became even more disappointed in you when I read the description after the risk factor, which says "For reasons that aren't clear, women who are black, Hispanic, American Indian or Asian are more likely to develop gestational diabetes."

Please consider doing studies on actual factors, such as socioeconomic ones and ones in which either the effects of a lack of privilege is studied, or ones in which privilege is accounted for and taken into consideration. The world would be a better place for it.

Still expecting more,
Ange

"Ordinary" and "Conversational"

[TW for rape apologia/stereotyping and ableist language.]

Kenneth Clarke, the British Justice Secretary, has just proven that he's not qualified for his post. Earlier today, he declared on public radio that Not All Rape Is Equal. I do not have access to the full 15-minute broadcast since it's not available in the States, but quoting from the above-linked article:

Clarke: "Assuming that you and I are taking about rape in the ordinary conversational sense, some man has forceful--"

Victoria Derbyshire: "Rape is rape."

Clarke: "No, it's not.

"If an 18-year-old has sex with a 15-year-old and she is perfectly willing, that is rape, because she is underage, she can't consent, anybody who has sex with a 15-year-old, it's rape.

"But what you and I are talking about is a man forcefully having sex with a woman and she doesn't want to, that is rape, a serious crime, of course it's a serious crime."

No, Mr. Clarke, rape is rape. It doesn't matter the age of the victim - and Clarke completely fails to recognize that children cannot legally give consent. Therefore, sex with a minor is legally nonconsensual, and therefore rape.

Further, rape can happen to anyone, no matter the gender. Defining it as "a man forcefully having sex with a woman [when] she doesn't want to" marginalizes victims of other genders, as well as makes invisible aggressors of other genders.

Insert foot deeper in mouth:

"Date rape can be as serious as the worst rape, but date rape in my ... experience of being in trials, they do vary extraordinarily one from another and in the end the judge has to decide on the circumstances.

“But I’ve never met a judge who, confronted with a rapist as you and I would use the term in conversation, would give him 12 months, that would be a crazy sentence."

No, Mr. Clarke, rape is rape. (Oh, and "crazy" is ableist.) It doesn't matter whether the victim knows the aggressor. Suggesting that date rape is somehow not as serious as rape "as you and I would use the term in conversation" (please keep me out of that generalization) is wrong-headed in every conceivable way, and is blatantly sympathizing with the rapist, who, contrary to what you apparently believe, is actually a rapist.

A rapist is a rapist.

Rape is rape.

Period.

--

Apparently Clarke has apologized: "I apologise if an impression has been given which is not my view and which I don't think I stated. My view is that all rape is serious."

Only rape as Kenneth Clarke defines it, of course. His apology has all the sincerity of a schoolyard bully apologizing to the kid he just beat up while his mother has him by the ear.

My Life in Sometimes

I am in love.
I am in love with a group of people.

My Boyfrog is not single in personhood, but rather, multiple. They are a group. I've known my group since before they knew they were a group. I have been with them through the entirety of what is known in my DID/MPD support group circle as the 'Ape Shit Phase', the phase during which the group discovers it's a group and everyone strains against the system and tries to resolve themselves as their needs/wants as individuals*. Each system navigates and deals with this phase in a unique way. I'm writing from the only perspective that I have- from that of a singleton, on the outside looking in.

To be a partner of a group means many different, complicated, sometimes things.

Sometimes every decision, every topic, may or may not have several people with completely different viewpoints- who may or may not voice them directly to the person the body is speaking to. Sometimes the viewpoints may or may not be worded in the most blunt, calculated, or even hurtful way. Sometimes the individual may intend it this way, and sometimes zie may not. Sometimes these viewpoints are not openly expressed to the person the body is talking to. Sometimes individuals still vocally express their opinions inside; sometimes this bleeds to the outside conversation. Sometimes the person a partner is talking to snaps at hir out of the blue, or seems irritated. Sometimes this means there has been a switch; sometimes an individual is yelling about something on the inside. Sometimes a partner can ask if the yelling individual can stop or lessen the yelling for the duration of the conversation. Sometimes they comply with that request, and other times they don't- and I have a feeling sometimes they hear my request out and yell more.

In some groups, sometimes a partner can tell who zie is talking to at any given moment, and sometimes not. Sometimes a courtesy is paid and a partner is informed who zie is talking to, and sometimes a partner is left to wonder. And oftentimes someone will deliberately try to impersonate someone a partner is used to talking to- sometimes this is used as a test, sometimes as an observational moment. Sometimes a partner's ability to tell who zie is talking to is used to measure love. Sometimes a partner is set up to fail this particular test, and sometimes a partner fails on their own. And sometimes a partner passes. Sometimes a partner has no idea they've even been tested, but a partner always finds out that they've passed or failed, one way or another. Sometimes someone in the group will take the test too far. Sometimes someone in the group will satisfy hirself by simply hurting a partner and making them cry. If this happens, sometimes a partner breaks.

Sometimes a partner brings hir own baggage to a relationship, and sometimes that gets shelved in order to deal with other baggage. Sometimes a partner's baggage gets shelved for long enough that when the other baggage is navigated, a partner's baggage explodes. Sometimes a group gets self-absorbed in their baggage. Sometimes a partner always prioritizes hir group's baggage; oftentimes this is a mistake. Sometimes a partner will burn out or run out of spoons. Sometimes navigating burn out is a balancing act between a partner and hir group.

Sometimes a partner needs something specific from hir group; sometimes the group will accommodate that, and sometimes not. Sometimes a partner is simply left to deal with their demons alone. If this sometimes happens enough, it becomes oftentimes. Sometimes the abandonment by a group wounds deeply; sometimes it is a welcome respite. Sometimes both partner and hir group must retreat and regroup.

Sometimes both a partner and individuals of a group have triggers. Sometimes a partner's trigger response triggers individuals of a group; sometimes vice verse. Sometimes triggers must be traversed carefully. Sometimes either a partner or a group is triggered and the other can't tell.

Sometimes a partner will try to 'fix' their group's problems. Oftentimes this is a terrible idea. Oftentimes simply listening does much more good than either a partner or hir group knows. Sometimes a group is reasonable; sometimes it is not. Sometimes a partner is unreasonable; sometimes not. Sometimes neither a partner nor hir group realizes that they or the other is being unreasonable. Sometimes unreasonable must be defined as you go.

Sometimes an individual in a group will set a boundary that only applies to hirself. Sometimes that individual will talk to a partner without letting the partner know who is out. Sometimes a partner will cross that boundary without knowing that boundary is in place. Oftentimes a partner will be punished for violating that boundary. Sometimes this situation is stacked against a partner.

Sometimes a partner is romantic with several individuals within the group. Sometimes a partner is romantic with only one individual within the group. Sometimes this changes. Sometimes the individuals in the group have different romantic needs; oftentimes a partner must be fluid to these needs. Oftentimes a partner will have a different relationship with each individual zie interacts with. Sometimes individuals within a group may hate a partner. Sometimes this is resolvable within the group; sometimes it is not. Sometimes trying to look through that individual's perspective is helpful; sometimes it's not.

Sometimes a partner laughs with hir group; sometimes a partner cries with hir group. Sometimes a partner comforts hir group; sometimes a group comforts hir partner. Sometimes a partner spends the morning playing got-your-nose with the cat. Sometimes a partner spends the night frustrated over triggers. Sometimes a partner must repeat hirself so that everyone in the group hears hir. Sometimes individuals in the group repeat themselves to make themselves heard. Sometimes partners fuck up. Sometimes individuals in the group fuck up. Sometimes trust is broken; sometimes trust can be rebuilt. Oftentimes a partner must word everything carefully as to not break that trust; sometimes there is no wording careful enough.

Sometimes a partner hangs on to the roller coaster as best zie can. Sometimes a partner gets run over by the cart. Sometimes there is peace and harmony. Sometimes there's chaos and disorder. Sometimes there's both at the same time.

Always we take it one day at a time.


*I realize that I write this as a singleton, thus I can only report on my observations in conjunction with those who I know and talk to who are multiple or partners of multiples.

Fat and Pregnant? END OF THE WORLD.

So, apparently the UK'S National Health Service has decided to try drug treatment to prevent obese babies (what?). And they're doing it by giving pregnant fatties between 500 and 2500mg of metformin per day from 12 weeks gestation to delivery. Because VFHT. Because OMGDEATHFATZ is a worse fate than the drug's increased risk for hypo/hyperglycemia, diabetic ketoacidosis, lactic acidosis and unspecified cardiovascular risk, not to mention a host of other unpleasant side effects. Like smelling like a fish. Oh, and the completely unknown risks to the developing fetus: "There are no controlled data in human pregnancy. [...] Metformin is only recommended for use during pregnancy when benefit outweighs risk." No breastfeeding when the baby is born, either.

Somehow, I'm seeing a problem with the idea of giving pregnant women of any body type this kind of drug, unless she actually has diabetes.

What does metformin actually do, though? Well, it reduces the liver's sugar production and decreases the amount of sugar absorbed into the body. It also increases the sensitivity of the body's insulin receptors, which means what little sugar is left in the bloodstream is more quickly absorbed. Assuming this doesn't lead to hypoglycemia, the body will adapt to this by reducing insulin production.

This is all on the unfounded hypothesis that obese mothers transfer greater amounts of sugar to their fetus, which results in fatter babies. Reduce the sugar in Mom's bloodstream, reduce sugar to the baby, reduce baby size. We have officially moved into the realm of unsightly fat on infants, completely uncognizant of the health benefits of baby chubbiness. Is it just me, or does this actually sound like Baby's First Diet? The Pre-Natal Weight Loss System! Because reducing sugar intake totally makes adults lose weight long-term, right? It should totally work for a fetus, too!

The BBC article on the subject is, of course, full of anti-fat themes, not the least of which is the conflation of fat and health, but the most egregious part of the article is the inclusion of "expert advice" from Dr. Ian Campbell of the British charity (lolsob) Weight Concern. In his words, "In an ideal world you would want women to take stock of their weight before pregnancy, but in reality that's not going to happen."

He is literally saying that fat women should not procreate, and by extension, those that do are irresponsible. Nevermind that there is no solid scientific evidence that supports the idea that fat is unhealthy. Nevermind that the weight cycling that he is encouraging is far more damaging to health than simply having a stable BMI of 30 could ever be. Nevermind that the fat stigma that he is perpetuating encourages the weight cycling mentioned above, as well as depression, eating disorders, obsession with food and weight, low self-esteem and body dysmorphia - not to mention that it demotivates the pursuit of health.

How about we, y'know, start focusing on health, not weight?

Because that would be great.

Knowledge is Power.....Right?

[TW for Self Injury (SI) and fat hatred]

I've a couple of blogs that I frequent and read every time they're updated, and one of these is Danceswithfat, a Size Acceptance blog run and maintained by Ragen Chastain (as she describes herself: Dancer, Choreographer, Writer, Speaker, Fat Person). For me personally, Ragen's been an inspiration. I like being active, and I like moving, but for so very long I've let myself believe that I'm not 'allowed' to be out and about (cause, you know, fat in public and all), and certainly not allowed to do things I enjoy, such as dancing. But watching and reading Danceswithfat helped me to love my body and realize just how much it can do, and how much it wants to do. Fat, not fat, I love myself and I deserve to do things I enjoy. So thank you, Ragen. Thank you for continuing on under an onslaught such garbage such as this.

The post describing the hate (or rather some of the comments following it), is what prompted this blog entry. I won't quote them here (since you can read the comments in that link), but these are the arguments that are generally made on FA/SA blogs by people who 'aren't quite on board with FA/SA'

-Michele Obama's Let's Move campaign is helping parents gain knowledge about nutrition!

I feel like with this statement, there's usually a lot of unexamined privilege floating around. First and foremost, let me get this out of the way before someone tries to say "OMGURAGAINSTNUTRITION". I'm absolutely, completely, and without a doubt for nutrition and health- but I'm also able to see and understand the underlying complexity that inhabits nutrition and health. The biggest problem I see with big 'campaigns' such as Let's Move is the misguided theory that 'Educating Children and Parents' will somehow solve all the Nutrition Problems (and by extension, all Obesity Problems- cause obesity can only come from Poor Eating, like Everyone Knows )

*takes a second for ya'll to reset your sarcasm detectors*

I'm all for education. It's what lets me read an article/study/etc and determine what it's really saying, see what the study it aiming for, and see who funded it. Education's great- but education is not by any stretch of the imagination- the biggest or best way to promote nutrition. Besides the fact that it's quite insulting to assume that all parents have no idea what constitutes nutrition (yes, there are some who don't have the knowledge of what nutrition is, but my point is that anytime you lump people into groups with terms such as all or none it's bad news), it completely ignores the underlying socioeconomic problems that many people face in regards to nutrition for themselves as well as their children.

There are places all over the US* which are known as food deserts- places where healthy and affordable food is difficult to obtain. Here's a map, for those who wish to see what areas food deserts effect. For these places, no amount of pure knowledge will help their nutrition. Let me say that again. With emphasis. For these places, no amount of pure knowledge will help their nutrition. No matter how much the Very Helpful People, try to 'educate' (again to emphasize the actual amount of people who 'need' to be educated is supersmall- as if there are no media/world messages about food and nutrition at all) the residents residing in these areas, they will still lack the money and ability to acquire the healthy food from which they're 'supposed' to get the nutrition from.

Also, I find it sad and a bit disturbing (but not shocking) that Those Who Would Educate, don't realize just how much time factors into the decisions of food-buying. Especially in this economy, people are (generally) spending their time looking for work, or working as much and as many jobs as possible simply to put food -any food- on the table. And honestly, after all that working and shopping and stress of everyday life they (they being mostly single parents, which is mostly made up of single mothers) simply don't have the time or the energy to prepare the healthy food.

"But they should work harder cause it's worth it and whowillthinkofthechildren and they're bad parents if they don't do this one thing," you say? Or my personal favorite (and something that was told to me over and over again by someone I admired once) "You don't find time, you make it." That right there is privilege talking. "But, I did it, so why can't they?" you ask? Then I direct you to read about bootstraps here. It's just more privilege talking.

-But I have Binge Eating Disorder and thus I gained weight, thus everyone must have Binge Eating Disorder, also known as "Fatties just need to stop eating their emotions or find something to replace the eating with"

I really really hate this 'argument' for a variety of reasons. First thing that comes to mind is, again, the 'this is my life experience and thus it must be your life experience too' which happens a lot (at least in reference to obesity) from people who are in the lower weight portion of the weight-cycling from diets, people who are in the 5% of those who can lose and keep off weight for a period of 5 years or more, or people who are attempting to recover from/have recovered from DE or an ED. No one's life experience is the same, and no person speaks for all people, and again, lumping a group of people into one category and labeling it is dangerous thinking.

This sentiment also attempts to ignore the idea of nutrition as a variable and completely individual phenomenon. What is healthy (and what the definition of health is) for one person in one moment, is different for another person, or the same person in a different moment. And here's where I break out my life experience as an example of a different perspective:

I am a severely disordered eater. This resulted from growing up in a severely anti-fat and anti-women culture and household, and from suffering all manner of abuses from 'friends' and partners, including emotional, verbal, mental, and physical abuse. I have PTSD, an anxiety disorder, and have flashbacks and panic attacks. I have cut, smashed my head into objects, taken pills, bitten, and ate in a disordered manner. Compared to all the other coping mechanisms I have used, I used my disordered eating in order to be healthy, disordered eating was and is my way of keeping myself from unhealthy practices. (And, you know, I'd call keeping myself alive a healthy choice, just sayin') And no, changing coping mechanisms doesn't work for everyone (and for those it does work for, it's not generally an 'overnight change), and no, it didn't work for me. And while yes, I've personally been able to talk and vent and do what I can to get out of the triggering situations (having a healthy relationships works wonders for that), I resent being told that my personal choice for keeping myself healthy is bad because of some arbitrary definition of 'health'. I am alive and as healthy as I can be right now, and that's what matters to me- and each individual is perfectly capable of making their own decision about their own health (using their individual definition of health), and no one else has the right to judge anyone else on those decisions.

*I know there are places all over the globe that are food deserts, here I'm just speaking of the US ones because the Let's Move campaign effects the US, and I happen to live in the US.

Why I So Passionately Advocate Fat Acceptance

[TW for fat hatred, ED idealization, depression.]

Until this January(ish), I completely bought into the anti-obesity craze. As a fat woman, I wholeheartedly believed that I was unhealthy, that I was going to die early, that if I wasn't doing something to lose weight I was a bad person, that it was cruel of me to inflict my body on the collective visual cortices of the general public.

I ate only in the safe privacy of my bedroom. I would stand in front of a mirror and curse what I saw reflected there. I was hypervigilant about my body when I was alone, more so when with friends, and intensely so to the point of anxiety and panic attacks when out in public, and I started having some agoraphobic tendencies. (Well, I still have those - I think I can count the number of times in my life I've had cabin fever on one hand. I'm quite content to stay in my tiny room for days on end with nothing but books or the internet for company.) In public, the muscles in my shoulders and back would ache from the tension of my self-protective semi-fetal posture. From the on-and-off journal I've kept, this 2008 excerpt well covers how I felt:

I have no idea how it is for others, but I'm constantly aware of my size. It is an extremely rare moment that I'm not thinking about this or that lump, what extra skin is showing because of the extra weight, the strange anatomy in comparison with a healthy woman...I guess it's all about comparison. People say never to compare, because it's all about the individual, blah blah blah. People who say that are delightfully naïve, or desperately idealistic. I'm unhealthy - in comparison to those who are healthy. I'm only overweight in comparison to those that are not. [...] Every shopping trip, every social activity, every time I put clothes on - they're all reminders. When I'm so constantly surrounded by people and signs and pressures that show me how far off track I am - what I should be, but am (for some reason) incapable of being - it's nigh impossible to think positively of myself.

Back in high school, when I was dealing with constant emotional abuse and when my self-loathing was at its peak (about 6 years before the quote above), I remember sitting in the library poring over books discussing and depicting eating disorders. I remember wishing with everything I had that I had anorexia. Even looking at the shock pictures, reading about the devastating physical and emotional impacts of the disease, I desperately wanted it, because it would mean I would no longer be fat, that the abuse would stop, that I'd be accepted, that I'd be pretty and have friends and and and...

I look back at the high school me, and I'm torn between wanting to knock some sense into her and just taking her into my arms and crying.

*steps away from writing for a moment to regain composure*

I'd heard of the fat acceptance movement at some point, but I'd perfunctorily dismissed it as delusion. It wasn't until I began talking to Alia and Ange (the other contributors to this blog) on a regular basis, and reading the many links that they shared and discussed that my horrendous thought processes began to change. I remember the first fat acceptance article I ever read - it flew in the face of everything I'd ever believed, yet, there was all this evidence, including a link to a formal research study - something that really made me sit back and think. This wasn't just some delusion, there is scientific evidence involved.

That was the first time in my life I'd been told that I'm an okay person not despite my fat, but inclusive of it.

My journey since then has been stumbling and rough, and I've had some nasty setbacks, but I've been able to own myself in a way I never have before. I've since realized that my fat is a part of me instead of just a burden. I discovered HAES, which is quite literally the first philosophy I've ever encountered that genuinely encourages self-esteem. It is the first time in my life that I've actually wanted to exercise, because this is the first time I've been told that it's my choice to do it.

I have found myself within this philosophy. I have alienated people with my vehement denunciation of our cultural fat-hating narratives. I will continue to fight that hatred, probably for the rest of my life.

By no means am I complete in this journey. Breaking free from so many years of self-hate and body-related anxiety will not come quickly.

But I am fighting, and I am progressing.

Yahooooo-ooo-ooo!

[TW for xenophobia.]

Sometimes, I make the cardinal internet mistake of reading comments.

This mistake is compounded when I read comments on Yahoo news articles, which somehow turn political and full of any number of -isms no matter the article's topic. If you ever want to learn real-life applications of those fallacies you learned about in high school English, Yahoo News comment threads are an excellent place to start.

For example, there is today's article on an Austrian national swim team member who managed to get himself buried to the neck and nearly crushed by sand on a Miami beach. The story itself wasn't too exciting - he was digging a big hole, hopped into it for a laugh and it collapsed around him. 60 people took two hours to get him out again, and he's okay. A simple human interest story, I suppose. Comments on this story couldn't be that bad, right?

Oh, wait, it's Yahoo we're talking about. The very first comment: "This @#$% foreigner wasted our tax dollars in rescue personnel all because he's a @#$%. Let's charge him for it, we can't be wasting our dollars on 60 people to dig 1 person out." The same commenter further argues: "he's never paid anything into the American system! We can't have dumbasses coming here and wasting our tax dollars! They can stay in their own countrys[sic] where they have free health care."

Clearly, because this man is Austrian, he's not worth saving so long as he's on our pure, 100% American (lol) soil unless he can first show proof of insurance, or at the very least sign paperwork that ensures he will foot the rescue bill. Nevermind that USians don't pay for their own rescue if something goes wrong (rescue != health care). Nevermind that, as a tourist, the Austrian man was paying plenty of money - including taxes and the cost of a visa - just to be here and eat and have shelter.

Y'know, I wouldn't typically waste a blog entry on some piddly comment thread, except that this stuff doesn't happen in a void. It affects treatment of "foreign" (i.e., those who are not white and English-speaking) people; they are treated as other, and therefore less. As bad as this racism and xenophobia is when done baldly, it's worse when it's gussied up and done in the name of patriotism.

Science Daily Fail

[TW for sizeism and Bad Science]

So, being the FA person that I am (and resident Fatty at most places I go =O ), I'm always looking to properly educate myself and find out more about the science behind some of these 'obesity studies'. Being an environmental scientist, and a biologist, the mechanics behind studies fascinate me; I love to pull apart studies and see what's *really* going on behind the scenes (because, honestly, there's *always* something going on behind the scenes. This is, unfortunately, how science is functioning today). It's pretty important to be able to do this, for me, as a fatty, because it gives me the material I need to refute ridiculous claims of sizist douchewaffles. This is the basic premise of why I was perusing Science Daily today.

I pulled up the Obesity News page (which would give me the 'latest' research on obesity- or so they advertised), and perused the articles they had featured there, and I collectively lolsobbed and facepalmed at these:

How Discrimination Hurts: Lack of Fair Treatment Leads to Obesity Issues

Turning 'Bad' Fat Into 'Good': A Future Treatment for Obesity?

And here's the real kicker listed right after it:

Changes in 'Good' Fatty Acid Concentration of Inner Organs Might Be Largely Independent of Diet

After I was done snickering at the titles, I (unfortunately) did the next sciencey thing to come to mind- I actually read them. This may have been a mistake on my part, as it's mostly crap, but I did learn something new in the process of reading them.

Snickers In My Purse

I bought a Snickers bar this morning, and put it in my purse. Throughout the day, I've glanced into my purse for any number of reasons, and each time, my reaction was, "Ooooh, I have a Snickers bar! Yay!" and then I'd look away and immediately forget about its existence. I'd then have the identical reaction again an hour later, next time I dug around in my purse.

It's been a day of pleasant, chocolatey surprises, and right now, it's culminating in an actual Snickers bar.

I am pleased.

Health is More Than Physical

I was on the phone just a moment ago while at work, talking with a prospective tenant when the maintenance man overheard me describe the apartment management's age restriction policy: Minimum of age 62 or 55 with a disability. When I hung up, he chirped, "Unless it's a mental disability!" And laughed.

I stared at him for a moment, then informed him that our policy is, in fact, inclusive of the mentally disabled, to which he laughed again, said "I know," and wandered off.

Really? Some people genuinely find that funny? Oh, wait, they do.

For a person to be 100% healthy, zie must be both physically and mentally hale. If someone is perfectly physically fit but has debilitating mental illness, then zie is not healthy. It is terribly bigoted to even joke about invisible disability - mental or otherwise - as invalid, because it is marginializing to the people who have to live with it every day, not to mention the very existence of such jokes bolsters the negative stigma of having a mental illness:



Transcript after the jump.

Klondike, You Disappoint Me

Here we have the new "What Would You Do for a Klondike Bar?" commercial. Translation as follows:

Announcer: New Klondike Mint Chocolate Chip Bars present "5 Seconds to Glory!" Mark vs. Actually Listening to His Wife! [Sounds of Mark's Wife talking, but not being able to hear the words over the announcer]

Mark's Wife:...beautiful, beautiful yellow squash, and I thought we could potentially paint the foyer yellow. What do you think? I know it's yellow, I know...

*timer sounds with a ding and confetti flies, with much cheering from Mark and two unknown females holding Klondike bars*

"What Would You Do for a Klondike Bar" theme song

*cut back to more cheering and celebrating by Mark (and the unknown, icecream-wielding females) while Mark's Wife sits, looking confused and being covered by wayward confetti.

Mark: "Oh yeah! Mmm! I did it! I did it!"

Ok, so let's break this down a little:

Apparently, it's now a sport to listen to your [your being het-cismale, as the commercial shows] wife for a whole 5 seconds! One which Mark gladly takes on (note that Mark's Wife doesn't have the distinction of even having a name), and "wins", thus he was 'rewarded' with a yummy ice cream treat. (And women whose only apparent job in this commercial is to jump around excitedly under confetti and bring him the icecream.)

There are so many things wrong with that 30 seconds, it practically makes my head explode. First of all, the 'listening to your wife is sooooo hard' trope annoys me muchly. Here I was, sitting here, thinking that you're actually supposed to listen to what your partner is saying, not because you'll get a "reward" (which I'll get to in a minute), but because you genuinely love hir, and you care about what zie has to say.

Which brings me to the second part, rewarding the (cis-het) male with icecream. Last time I checked, men were not infants, incapable of paying attention for more than 5 seconds [which, as the video "enlightens" us, takes a lot of concentration]; much less are they infants unable to concentrate for more than 5 seconds without getting a "reward" for being a "good boy". Men are, in fact, whole, separate, complete people, just as women are- men are no more the same as children as women are obstacles to be put up with.

Commercials like this are an insult to both men and women alike. They're a product of the patriarchy, used to shortchange and tear down both women and men. This can be counteracted, however, by expecting more. I expect more. Shame on you, Klondike. Your icecream is not worth marginalizing and stereotyping people over.

Stay Classy, Mike

[TW for sexism including objectification, ableist language, discussion of rape and abuse.]

So, I have this friend. For the sake of her anonymity here, I'll call her Greta. Greta has been in and out of a relationship with a guy named Mike for a number of months now, and I've been in the background watching and fretting. Things were never smooth between them, and the last time Greta broke up with Mike was unusually rough. In her words, she had to be "mean" to him two days ago to get across the point that she doesn't really want to talk to him right now. Mike, classy guy that he is, took the opportunity to rip Greta up and down in a blog entry that he advertised on his Facebook. (Normally I'd take pains to anonymize him too, but since he so clearly wants this to be public, it would be rude of me not to oblige.)

Entirely aside from the wild twisting of reality and ad hominem attacks, some of the things he says about women, sexuality and autonomy sent me into a flailing rage.

The blog itself inspired facepalm in name alone: Mike's Super Amazing Blog! Because, y'know, the more adjectives and exclaimation points involved, the better the blog's content. The offending entry, entitled What I Want, is a laundry list of things Mike is looking for - and things Mike is definitely not looking for - in a relationship. He begins with some classic ableist language ("lame") and waxes poetic about love and its variation and peculiarities. He asserts that he has very few demands, and that all he wants is this and this and this and this and this and that too, and a "good handful of boob" would be nice.

Mike then gets to the meat of his post: ten things he does NOT want in a partner. What strikes me most about this entire section is the oversexualization of everything. In his second point, "No Text Message Relationship!", which frankly should have everything to do with communication and nothing with sex, he twice alludes to sex. Apparently texting is okay when a woman wants to shag, but otherwise, he "can think of much more comfortable places to put [his] hands" than a cell phone.

The rest of the points have me torn between rolling my eyes heavenward and shaking in fury. Let's break it down:

People Can Surprise You

As a somewhat-recently regular reader of Shakesville, I've begun to find words and names for all those seemingly 'random' feelings of uneasiness (which, as it turns out, weren't at all random). Once my eyes were opened to how the world really is, (via, the red pill), I was bombarded with all of the little, subtle, misogynistic references that were always there, but I had never really noticed before. And, since I'm not much of a going out person at this point in my life, most of these things were coming from my own family. These are the people who are supposed to love me and not want to hurt or oppress me, yet there they were, saying things that told me, over and over again, that I was less, and other, and not worthy. But, being the girl who always 'questions things', I figured that they had no idea what they were really saying; so I decided to speak up and try to talk about it with them. That went over about as well as a lead balloon. It caused so many fights that when I even try to bring things up now, I get told I'm just 'antagonizing', or I've 'become so sensitive', etc.- eventually I kinda gave up trying to bring things up with them, and now limit myself to posting relevant links on facebook, where they can choose to read them or not (most of the time it's a not).

Anyway, that's not actually the focus of this post, as you can see by the title, but it is some relevant background information. This post is about an interaction that happened between me and my Boyfrog (as he's affectionately known to the GirlBrainTrust <3 ). Boyfrog and I have known/dated each other for a couple of years, and though there have been some rocky parts, we've been successfully been able to navigate those parts and figure out what we wanted and where we wanted to go- and naturally, as I was able to become more and more aware, and more and more a part of the feminist movement, I wanted to share this with him, as it was an important part of my life.

Hell, it is my life.

So, as I read through Shakesville, I looked for a post that could sum up some of the stuff I saw happening, without making him feel like a bad person, or one who continuously hurt me, neither of which he does. Eventually, I found this entry, entitled The Terrible Bargain We Have Regretfully Struck, and I found that it spoke to my general concerns while making sure it addressed the fact that the only reason I would show Boyfrog the page was because I love him and because I trust him more than anyone else. And, most importantly, because I know he does not want to hurt me. With those thoughts in mind, I typed up a mini description, pasted the link into a facebook message, and sent it off to be read.

*insert Jeopardy waiting song here*

We finally talked about it last night when I asked him if he had read it (to which he said of course) and what he thought about it. He thought for a long moment, then responded "I saw way too much of myself in her ['Liss'] writing. I have a lot of work that I need to do." I had no idea how much just a simple recognition and validation of my feelings and concerns would mean to me until I realized I was crying happy tears with a huge grin on my face. From there, we talked about my general feelings on some of the stuff I grew up with, and I got to talk about how it felt, as a woman, to have my voice hushed and my concerns dismissed (also of the fear of the meta of having my concern about having my concerns dismissed dismissed). It was amazing, and all the while he just listened, and eventually I got what was on my mind out, and we both said I love you and that we'd try harder. [At some point, I asked him if the piece could be accurately framed for some of his experiences, as he is 100% Puerto Rican living in a very white area of the country, and he said yes, so I apologized for probably having contributed to that, and encouraged him to call me out on things I say.]

All in all, it was an experience that brought us closer together, and opened all of our eyes, and one I'm very grateful for.

DAS: Sizeism

[TW for Fat Hatred.]

Sometimes, a hateful submission to DAS* will make me smile more than I ever could have expected.

When I first saw Secret 10445, my jaw hit the floor and my hackles snapped high. The text is red caps on a green background, and reads:

"I would never date a fat guy, because I don't respect fat people. They lack discipline."

How could it be, I inwardly raged, that someone could ever say something like that? Well, unfortunately, I was able to answer that almost immediately: All this ST had to do was listen to popular culture. It's a widely accepted myth that fat people are fat because they eat like crap and lie around all day long instead of doing the morally correct thing by trying to lose the extra weight that they inflict upon civilized society. Fat people are a monolith, don'cha know? We have no variation in physiology. We are not human - we are fat, and our fat defines us.

By the time I read the secret, it had been up long enough to garner a good number of comments. I began reading them expecting to find the same fat-phobic tripe as expressed in the secret itself, only to be pleasantly surprised. With very few exceptions, every comment refuted the ideas expressed in the secret. Over and over again, people were taking the ST to task for hir bigotry. It was enough that I my initial anger melted away, and instead I found the ability to laugh dismissively at the small-mindedness of the ST's assertion. I was smiling.

And that, folks, is progress, both in a personal sense (six months ago, I would have internalized the message in that secret) and in a cultural sense. I take comfort in that people will at least fight against the more blatant examples of sizeism.

(As an aside, I'm aware that more comments have since been added to that secret, including a not-insignificant number of fat-hating sentiments, but I'm choosing to dwell on the positivity of the initial reaction instead of the hatred that followed.)

An explanation of the DAS series of posts

Have you ever heard of PostSecret? In essence, it's a method of publicly and anonymously telling a secret. DeviantArtSecret (DAS) is the same concept. Once up, secrets are open for comments by members of the deviantART community.

Secrets there run the gamut of topics, from forbidden love to childhood abuse to using one's own urine as a facial cleanser. Some secrets are funny, some beautiful, some depressing, and some are, well, extremely bigoted. DAS rules regarding secrets are minimal, and do not cover hateful topics.

The dynamic that makes DAS different from PostSecret is the ability of users to comment on a secret. On hateful secrets, there are frequently many people that will disagree with the Secret Teller (ST) in the strongest terms, or argue amongst each other over the merits and content of a secret. While DAS administrators do their best to block negative commenters, there is only so much they can do, especially when the hurtfulness of a comment is debatable.

I have been an active member of the DAS community for years now, and even have a few of my own secrets posted (ssshh!). Certain secrets have really gotten under my skin in terms of hurtful ignorance, while other secrets are heartbreaking and the comments on them infuriating. As I progress in terms of feminism and size acceptance, the angrier I become at these events, and I have found that venting in the form of a blog post is quite helpful.

However, I see little reason to go through this background explanation in each new post, so this is a simple all-purpose post I can link to instead.